Heart and Mind

Drive-Through Annoyances

I don't eat much fast food these days.

I know....everyone says that. I think it's because everyone is afraid of sounding like a big, unhealthy loser who eats too much fast food or makes it a part of his or her diet. I kind of said that back when I used to eat much more of it, even when I was at my my peak of fast food consumption around age 22 or so. But these days I can say it and it is really true. I really don't eat much of it, honestly. Maybe once a month on average, or perhaps even a little less. Admittedly, I'll eat take out and other convenience foods more often than that, but I'm specifically talking about the classic fast food joints, i.e., the ones modelled after McDonald's.

So once a month is a fair assessment, and it's usually at Wendy's—I think it's a (small) step better than the others in terms of quality. And these days I almost always go through the drive-through, which is kind of a new concept for me. Let me explain...

It's not like I've never gone through a drive-through until recently. I just did it very rarely. Why? In part, it's because I don't mind getting out of my car and walking into the the place to order it. I'm not that lazy. How funny is it that crappy fast food establishments not only serve grade-A crap food (healthwise, anyway), but they also encourage you to be lazy and not have to expend any energy whatsoever to acquire it?

So why the drive-through now? It's a baby-thing. It's quite an ordeal to un-strap & then res-trap/situate two babies in their car seats just to pick up some take out. (And don't think that these fast food places don't know that. I recommend people read "Don't Eat This Book" by Morgan Spurlock to learn more about all this stuff.)

Here's what annoys me. Whenever I pull up, they immediately ask me what I want, which sounds like a good thing (quick service), and it is a good thing. But they quickly seem to get impatient when I take the time to read the menu.

News flash to fast food drive through workers: I do not have your menu memorized. I do not know what I am going to order upon driving up to the two-way speaker.


This happened yesterday. Here's a breakdown of the events:

After a few seconds of looking at the menu—despite the fact that I told the pro fry cook to "give me a second to look it over," I started getting tense because she was getting tense. Then I started my order:

"I'll have two junior cheesburger deluxes..."

"ANYTHING ELSE?????"

That "anything else" crap happens all the time. If I don't read everything off one right after the other—that is to say, if I pause to contemplate the rest of my order—they immediately start pushing me with the "anything else" rush.

"Yes," I informed, and kept scanning the menu. Understand, it may seem like a while as you read this, but all things considered, I probably have only been at the ordering station for about 12 seconds at this point.

A few more seconds—literally, maybe 3—pass as I'm mulling over options.

"IS THAT ALL?"

"No!" I stated, this time with a little bit of firmness.

A couple seconds pass and then I name a few more items. This time, however, I end it with a tone in my voice that implies that that is the end of my order.

She asks again, "Is that all?"

"That's all," I confirm.

She proceeds to tell me to drive around and pay the person at the first window, which I do. Then to the second window, where they hand you the crap in the bag.

Now, at this point, they start the next part of the rushing game, with the ultra insincere, "Thanks, have a good a day," which really translates to, "Here's your shit, now move on out."

Screw them. I'm going nowhere fast. And you know exactly why: because that bag has got to be checked, because stuff is always AWOL and it doesn't matter if you notice it when you get home or when you pull three feet away from the window. It's a major inconvenience no matter how you slice it.

Sure enough, something was missing. I noticed it and, in this case, so did they.

"Sir, here," the window workers says as she hands me the missing sandwich. But if I had high-tailed it away as quickly as she had wanted me to, it wouldn't have mattered.

I know...what can, or more acurately, what should you expect from a fast food place? Not much. It still is annoying.

posted by Steve @ 11:15 PM