Heart and Mind

"Going to the Bathroom"

"Going to the bathroom" obviously started as a euphemism.

Isn't it funny, and a little indicative of our society's repressed nature, that it became so widely used that "going to the bathroom" basically long ago became a phrase that means "moving your bowels." Frankly, although we all say it, it's absolutely ridiculous.

I can imagine and era a long time ago when this all came to be;

Jane:
"Hey, where are you going?"

John:
"I'm, um...." (Wow, this is a pickle! I certainly can't announce that I'm going to urinate! Or, God forbid, defecate! I better think of something quickly!)

Jane:
John? You're what now?

John:
"Oh, don't worry about me now! I'm just going, um..." (Ah, I'll tell her I'm going to the toilet! No wait...that's like saying the same thing and really tipping my hand!)

Jane:
"John, what the heck is going on over there?"

John:
"I'm fine. I'll be back shortly, I'm just..." (I got it!!!) "Jane, I'm just going to the bathroom. See you in a few." (Bra-vo! Nicely played, mate!)

Jane:
(He's going to the bathroom? Huh! I wonder why he'd want to go there. He can't want to bathe. It's only Wednesday!)

---

But seriously, folks. Somewhere along the line, it went from that sly cover up to simply being the verb itself. As in:

"The cat went to the bathroom on the kitchen floor."

or

"He went to the bathroom in his pants in Social Studies class and all the kids laughed."

That's really silly when you break it down literally, isn't it?

Even when we're not talking about extremes like that, when we can logically point out that we're talking about the action of going to someplace and not a description of what we do when we get there, it still is an oft flawed expression. After all, how often do we refer to "going to" a bathroom that doesn't even have a bath? One of my "bathrooms" only has a shower. And, hell, the bathrooms at every job I've ever had didn't have any bathing facilities at all.

"Yeah, pull over at this Exxon station. I've gotta use their bathroom."

(!)

Indeed, like my ficticious friend "John" contemplated, referring to your destination/action as "going to the toilet" (or "toilet room") would be an improvement in the name of universal accuracy.

But beyond all this, the connotation that it is synonymous with bowel movement remains the biggest joke of all.

"Doc, I'm constipated. I can't go to the bathroom!"

"Are you sure your constipated? Maybe the bathroom door is just locked!"

Now, I don't purport that this "going to the bathroom" stuff I ponder is indicative of any particularly amazing or original thinking. Heck, I noticed the whole absurdity of it as a kid and other doubtlessly have, too. But the whole notion of writing about it here on the blog came about when I actually made the following remark to my wife:

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth or something and she was outside and trying to talk to me through the door, and in an effort to converse better, I said, "You can come in. I'm not going to the bathroom."

We all know what that means, but I thought it was just brilliantly bizarre. I suppose it's true that I was, literally, not "going to the bathroom" on account of the fact that I was "already in the bathroom." How wonderfully demented it is. Imagine the conversation involving any other place on earth, besides a bathroom:

"Honey, where are you? Are you in the kitchen?"

"I'm am. But I'm not going to the kitchen."

posted by Steve @ 12:17 AM