Heart and Mind

A Swearing Memoir

I really didn't know what the word I was saying meant.

It was about 1977, and I was in first grade. I was in the school auditorium, but there was no production or event occurring. I think we were being sequestered in there during recess, because the weather outside was less than pleasant. Well, I was sitting in my chair, and there was this other girl sitting next to me. In between the shared armrest, there was some graffiti. One lone word written in ink.

"What does that word say?" the girl asked me.

She knew exactly what it said. But I didn't know that she knew that. I had no idea she was trying to goad me into saying something that good first graders didn't say.

On the contrary, I thought she was asking me because she thought I was smart. I mean, I was a pretty good student. I'm certain my newly developing phonics skills were better than hers were, and I thought so at the time, too. I really thought she wanted me to help her out with a little reading.

So, I took a gander at the word. I had never seen such a word before. But that didn't scare me off. This was way before those hooked on phonics commercials existed, but they still "worked for me."

"Hmmmm...." I thought to myself. "It looks just like the word duck, except that it starts with an f instead of a d." No problem.

"That word," I said with absolute confidence, "says fuck."

My conversant was absolutely blown away. "Ooooooh!!!!" she said, in with that same intonation that kids use when they say, "You're in trouble!!!!!"

I was very taken aback. I didn't quite get the reaction. I knew that I had to have been right, so why the strange response?

"What?" I said matter-of-factly. "It says fuck."

Her jaw just dropped more as she looked at me in disbelief.

"That says fuck," I reaffirmed.

She was laughing with delight and acting completely appalled at the same time.

Me? I was just confused.

How could I not be? This was pre-cable TV. There was no cursing on the telly. And my folks never used that swear word. Oh, they said the rest of them all the time: shit, ass, bastard, son of a bitch, asshole. Those phrases I knew, and I knew they were off limits. I just didn't know the ultimate "four letter word."

I still, to this day, never heard my father use it. My mother started using it around me in high school when she got really pissed off at me.


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(For the record, this blog entry was inspired by a story that was told at a friend's wedding this past weekend. Her story reminded me of this story, and I decided it would make a worthwhile blog entry.)

posted by Steve @ 9:26 PM