Heart and Mind

Professional Series Blog Entry

Can you believe it's been over a month since the last post on Heart and Mind? I can. Damn, I've been busy. To tell you the truth, it's not like it's even a great time for me to be blogging now. I'm spent. Still, I realized this morning that if I didn't blog it up by midnight tonight, then there would be a gap that went from September to November, without a single entry in October. We can't have that. So I'm going to have to brush some dust off the ol' blog and spit something out here. So let's go...

If you think this is a picture of extremely poor quality, you're right. It was taken with a phone, so what would you expect?

I took this picture while I was walking through Target on October 15. I knew right then it was great fodder for blogging.

If you can see through the blurriness, you might be able to make out that it says, "Masters Professional Series." It also says, "8 Piece Professional Drumset." OK, I have a problem here. Actually, I have several. For starters, I'd argue that it should be "8-piece," with the hyphen. Also, there is, according to the dictionary, no such thing as a "drumset." It's a "drum set." So, beyond those flaws, what word are left in that second quote?

"Professional."

This the "Professional Series" and a "Professional Drumset (sic)" according to the descriptive copy on the package. This is the most ridiculous thing.

It's not only not "professional," it happens to not even be a real musical instrument. This, folks, is a toy. It's a "toy drum set." It's not even a beginner drum set. It's a toy drum set.

I think it was on clearance for eighty bucks or something. You could go spend a thousand bucks on a real set at a real professional's music store, and you still wouldn't have a kit from your chosen manufacturer's "professional series." You'd have something that was not a toy, you'd have something that's real, and you may even have something that's pretty darn good. But it still might not be a professional kit.

Look, I'm not some buff musician who wants to get all macho about equipment. That's never really been my bag, and I'm way too uncool to even consider playing that game at my age. So that's not the point. The point is that if you call that kit "professional," as if to imply that a pro might use it, you might as well call it a piano or a guitar or a case of beef jerky. It would be equally factual.

Let's compare it to something else. How about hammers?

That drum kit is not the drum version of the "contractors grade" (professional) hammer that I'm sure pro contractors know about (although I don't, not being a pro contractor).

It's not the "good, solid, well-made" hammer that I use as my "gamer" for home improvement.

It's not even that skinny little hammer that you can buy in the grocery store that is made of metal, but essentially pretty worthless for anything more ambitious than building bird houses with brads.

What it is is the Fisher Price plastic hammer that comes in the plastic tool box with the plastic saw and drill.

I'll give you this much: it's not the Fisher Price one made for two-year olds. Those are the plastic drums. This is the one made for the seven-year olds.

But how you can call that professional is beyond me. Imagine a pro contractor showing up with that Fisher Price hammer? It's as ludicrous as the pro drummer showing up to a gig with that drum set.

Oh, and just to finish off this post with a bang, can I tell you this? The "8-Piece" or "8 Piece" "Professional Drumset" is not even an 8-piece. It is quite clearly a 5-piece kit. Drum sets are always measured solely by the drums they come with. Cymbals, thrones, and pedals don't count as "pieces" and the former two don't ever come with good drum sets. The item for sale here—with the bass drum, snare drum, floor tom, and two rack toms—is what's known as a 5-piece set. A manufacturer of professional equipment ought to know that.

posted by Steve @ 9:50 PM