Imperfect Pizza Slices are Just Perfect
Sorry for the lapse in blog entries during the past week. It goes without say that I have virtually no time to sit around and "blog" at home, so the best time for me to update this thing is at work! It's kind of like my version of the coffee break—except I don't drink coffee, so that justifies taking a blog break, doesn't it? At any rate, I've been quite busy at work lately, so there has been even no time there. Thus, the lag in updates. But the good news is that, even when I'm insanely busy in and out of work, I never stop eating pizza. And a recent night's dinner made me start thinking about this blog entry.I've eaten a lot of pizza in my life. I'm not really a pizza freak or anything, but I'm one of those people who can eat it anytime. You'll almost never hear me vote against pizza by saying something like, "Well, I had pizza for lunch" or "I had pizza last night." When people say those things to me, I usually respond by saying, "And the problem is....?????" Of course, I understand and I am kidding. Yet at the same time, I am totally serious.
So, I certainly have eaten more pizza than many and at least as much as anyone else out there. And wouldn't you think that with all that pizza under my belt (or above it!) that I would have at least once gotten a perfectly cut pizza? I never have. Let me explain...
New York style pizza like we eat around these parts is round in shape, and it's sliced four times to make eight slices. First it's sliced in half, then at a 90 degree angle to that cut (to break it into quarters). And then you basically repeat that criss-cross, but at a 45 degree oblique, and that's how you get your eight slices.
Now, in theory, those pizza slices should all be the exact same size, since everything is sliced symmetrically and evenly. But in practice, it never is. This could happen because the pizza is not perfectly round, or it could happen because one of the 4 cuts is slightly off. You still get the symmetry, but because the pizza makers simply eyeball the slices, you always get some bigger slices and some smaller slices, with the smaller ones being as "smallish" as the bigger slices are "biggish."
So, I really got thinking about how amazing it is that I can never recall getting a perfectly sliced pie after all these years. But the real epiphany I came to was that it actually is a good thing that the pizza is imperfect. A perfectly sliced pizza would suck.
Why?
Well, because after I've already pounded down 3 or 4 slices and am basically stuffed, the fact that there is a small piece lying there is the ultimate excuse we pizza hounds need to eat just one more. "I'll just have this small piece," we justify. It's not too much, it should be eaten. Let's eat more pizza.
Also, of course, in a group setting where there are limited slices to go around, there are always the people—almost always females—who are worried about either calories or just plain looking like a pig and, therefore, like to favor the small slices. "I'll take the small one." And that leaves the big ones for me.
I always play it off like I don't care: "Yeah, sure, I'll take this slice here. Is it the big one? That's fine either way. It doesn't matter...I'll eat whichever one you don't want. You want the big slice? I could eat this small slice, instead..." But I am always politely lying when I do this. I am always well aware about which slice is which, and I'm eyeing the big slice.
Of course, individual slices from the slice pie at the pizzeria are a different story all together. There is no redeeming value to the imperfect slices in that setting, as it leaves you simply victim to a crap shoot: does you buck-fifty get you a good-sized slice or does it get you the runt of the litter?
But with the take-home pie, it's good. If the slices were perfectly sized, that would be bad.
Big slice, small slice...different strokes for different folks.
But I don't get it when people seek out the piece with the bubble on it. What's that all about? (Susanna, I am looking at you.)
posted by Steve @ 8:55 PM
8 Comments:
First off, let me just say, I was literally laughing out loud reading this.
We all know, ("we all" being most of the people probably reading this from the Coffee Crew) about my anti-pizza tendencies, and how it eventually turned casual Coffee Crew Meetings into bids for the title of "Grandest Dinner Spread". Yes, it's common knowledge I don't really eat pizza, but I feel the need to explain.
First off, there's the ever-present slightly lactose-intolerant thing. Now I've never actually been diagnosed with it, but I know that things like heavy cheeses and creams don't really sit very well with me, so I try to stay away if possible. CAN I eat it? Sure, in smal doses, or once in a blue moon, but I didn't want to make it a regular Coffee Crew thing, so I just opted to get something else, unfortunately whoever hosted the evening had to pay for my selectivity.
Also, one year in high school, before I made this grand discovery about my physiology, there was a pizza place we used to go to, every day, no exceptions, for lunch to get the school special: 2 slices and a coke. Every day. For a year. For all I know this contributed greatly to my intolerance, but at the very least it just made me figuratively sick of pizza. So I avoided it at all cost for a few years.
Now, having said that, occasionally I'll indulge in some fine pizza eating, but I only like fresh out of the oven pizza, non of this reheated crap everyone else in the universe is so fond of. And yes, I do like the bubbles. I have to go with Sue on this one, Steve, however for the life of me I cannot explain why. Maybe it's because it's the ultimate "thin crust"; maybe because it's more well-done than the other slices; We may never know.
[[[ First off, let me just say, I was literally laughing out loud reading this. ]]]
Glad to hear it!
[[[ We all know, ("we all" being most of the people probably reading this from the Coffee Crew) about my anti-pizza tendencies, and how it eventually turned casual Coffee Crew Meetings into bids for the title of "Grandest Dinner Spread". ]]]
Yeah, we always manage to eat well. I had originally suggested the pizza special because it was cheap and easy and (except for Paul) something everyone likes a lot. 16 bucks could feed 6 or 7 people, you know? Personally, though, I don't mind that it grew to something bigger, because the Crew itself, in many ways, grew to something bigger. It was worthier of more variety and a heavier price tag, because it was so damn cool. Especially when we switched to Fridays and it became an event that routinely ended at 2, 3 in the morning.
[[[ Yes, it's common knowledge I don't really eat pizza, but I feel the need to explain.
First off, there's the ever-present slightly lactose-intolerant thing. ]]]
I don't know if you ever came out and told us about that, but I had kind of thought that might be the case. I didn't want to ask questions. However, since you've now opened up on the web about it, you must surely be comfortable with us knowing.
[[[ Also, one year in high school, before I made this grand discovery about my physiology, there was a pizza place we used to go to, every day, no exceptions, for lunch to get the school special: 2 slices and a coke. Every day. For a year. For all I know this contributed greatly to my intolerance, but at the very least it just made me figuratively sick of pizza. So I avoided it at all cost for a few years. ]]]
Nah! I think that if everything "sat well" with you, you'd be eating as much pizza as the rest of us.
[[[ Now, having said that, occasionally I'll indulge in some fine pizza eating, but I only like fresh out of the oven pizza, non of this reheated crap everyone else in the universe is so fond of. ]]]
Oh, I'm with you all the way on that one. I do like re-heated pizza, but a lot of people think it's BETTER when reheated. I much prefer it fresh.
Also, a lot of people love it COLD. Like out of the 'fridge. I cannot eat that at all. Warm is desireable. Too hot is no good, either. But I will eat it at any temperature right down to room temperarture. But I can't eat it cold. Not at all.
[[[ And yes, I do like the bubbles. I have to go with Sue on this one, Steve, however for the life of me I cannot explain why. ]]]
Exactly. No way to explain it.
I guess the bubble is kind of fun. But it is not tastier or more filling.
Yum, cold pizza! I am one of those freaks who thinks it is better cold the second day than hot the first day. Don't get me wrong, I love it fresh too, there is just something about going into the fridget eh next day and savoring a slice right out of the box. I can't explain it any more than you can explain the bubble thing, which is just bizarre to me.
Great, now I am craving pizza.
[[[[I guess the bubble is kind of fun. But it is not tastier or more filling.]]]]]
See, I do disagree with that... It does taste better, in much the same way that, say, shell pasta tastes better than rotellini, which tastes better than linguini. It's all pasta, but for some reason, different shapes taste different. And there's just no explanation for it.
You know what I don't get? Pizza Hut. Domino's. Sbarro. Why do these places exist, especially in a place like New York? I've never in my entire life eaten at a pizza chain. Whenever I see people in a Domino's or the like (especially in Brooklyn or Manhattan) I have to wonder why. Are they tourists? Are they just so used to crap pizza they can't even step out for once and go to a real neighborhood pizza joint? Why???
I'm not even a pizza fan, for much the same reason as Paul G. Every Saturday during high school and college I worked at a hair salon in Melville and every Saturday I ate pizza from the place next door. I think I have consumed my lifetime quotient of pizza.
But I do like the bubble.
[[[[[ You know what I don't get? Pizza Hut. Domino's. Sbarro. ]]]]
I'll eat all that crap (although Pizza Hut is pretty damn bad these days). But I agree that it's of poor quality and I TOTALLY agree with your question: how in the world can crappy, processed pizza like Domino's exist and stay in business in the pizza capital of the world. It makes no sense.
Sbarro, I guess, gets by because of malls. My father-in-law used to live om Stillwell Avenue in Bensonhurst and supposedly the founder of Sbarro's (or the family of) lived across the street from him. That's what he told us anyway.
[[[[ But I do like the bubble. ]]]]]
Paul G. has made re-think my take on the bubble. I have a greater understanding of the appeal now. It's like the crisp, semi-charred, crunchy noodles on the edge of the ziti. They're a little over done, and sometimes that makes 'em tasty.
Sbarro's is to Italian food as Take-out chinese food is to... real chinese food. It's the quick-and-easy fast food version of a sit-down Italian restaurant. They have alot of other things there, not just pizza, and to be honest I've never had their pizza there, so I wouldn't know how it is. But as far as their other food, I have to say it's not all that bad. Not great, but not bad. The exception is the restaurant in the Sbarro's main offices building a block down from where we work, they have exceptionally good food there, a little pricey, but huge portions. As for the other places, all I can figure is: some people just don't like the thin-crust pizza thing, and would rather opt for the thick crusted Pizza Hut variety. Who knows...
[[[[ But as far as their other food, I have to say it's not all that bad. Not great, but not bad. ]]]]]
Actually, I would agree to this. Sbarro's other food (besides pizza) is not authentic, "freshly made" stuff, but I think it's of decent enough quality for what it is. It's a step better than what "fast food pizza" chains like Dominos and Pizza Hut are.
I liked both Dominos and Pizza Hut better when I was young. I always thought it was a completely different animal than authentic pizza, but I still liked it for what it was. These days, I'll eat it if someone else wants to, but would never chose it myself if given the option to go somewhere better. Pizza Hut, in particular, just seems like such a low quality experience these days.
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