Heart and Mind

Kids Asking for Money? How Not Interesting!

OK, this blog entry is going to be about a bumper sticker and I have to start it off by offering my apologies to anyone who may have bought the bumper sticker I'm about to discuss. To each his own and I apologize in advance for being so opinionated. But weak opinions and diplomacy don't always make for good blog entries. I'm fair and diplomatic where it counts, but bumper stickers are not that important, so I can talk trash about them. :)

So I was driving home last week and I noticed that the mini-van in front of me had a bumper sticker on it that said, "My kids think I am an ATM."

Isn't that kind of lame? I think it is. I mean, it's not that it's hard to believe that this driver's kids are always asking for money. It's quite the opposite, actually. It's so understandable and so commonplace that it's obvious and, therefore, boring. It's so typical it doesn't really need to be stated. It's maybe just a step better than something that says, "My newborn keeps me from sleeping" or "All the delicious desserts I like have lots of calories." It's just not that funny of a remark because it's an obvious joke.

Beyond being an obvious joke, it's also generic and applicable to pretty much all parents of children who are old enough to ask for money. Of course kids ask their parents for money! They don't work and allowances (do kids still get those?) only go so far and are given by the parents anyway. So kids are always on the lookout for cash to see movies or to buy candy or what-have-you. If you're not old enough to work, your parents are your go-to source for funds.

Imagine me saying this:

"Oh, that was your mini-van I saw? So you're that guy whose kids ask him for cash! Hey, it makes sense, because I know you, and I know your kids, and I know they're always asking for money. Damn, that's so funny!"

It's ridiculous to think that I or anyone else might say that, because there's no identity to being "that guy" who has the kids asking for funds. "That guy" is everyone who has or had kids in that demographic.

I mean, if it were a bumper sticker about...oh, I don't know...let's say it was a bumper sticker about....boats. A bumper sticker that says "My other car is a boat" might make some sense if the driver was a real seafaring, boating enthusiast. It's part of his identity. People know him as a "boat guy." And his other "car," one might say, is a boat, which is not true for most of us. It sort of works for him. But it doesn't work with a generic statement like the ATM one.

I'll admit this much: I don't like bumper stickers. I think they're sort of akin to voluntary putting graffiti on your car. And I will also admit that I don't know for sure if that is fully my own belief structure or whether I have been influenced too much by my father, since he always felt that way, too, and made it clear to me when I was growing up that it seemed kind of trashy to him. I have a hunch I wouldn't have liked them anyway, but can't know for sure if I'd have come to that thought on my own. But I admit that it's true and that I'd have to really feel strongly about the sentiments of a bumper sticker to put it on my car.* So you have to climb into my headspace to understand what I'll say next.

What strikes me as odd about this bumper sticker with the ATM quip is that it ever actually made it to someone's bumper. Because in order for that to happen, too many occurrences had to happen:

1. Someone had to see it in the store and think it was funny (Likelihood=reasonable enough. It's mildly amusing in an unoriginal sort of way.)

2. The person would have to think it was so funny that it warranted spending money for it. (Likelihood=not so likely. We see stuff all the time that entertains us somewhat, but we don't just buy endless junk because we're a little amused. Think of all the chachka impulse items at the counter on 7-11 that catch our attention but we wouldn't waste cash on.)

3. If 1 and 2 were met, the person would have to feel so strongly about the sentiments that he/she would think it's a good idea to actually permanently stick it to the rear of their $30,000 motor vehicle so that everyone else could enjoy it as much as they did.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just a loser who spends too much time thinking about this stuff. But it's too generic for me and, therefore, not funny enough to warrant putting on my car. I try not to advertise too much, but when I do, I prefer to advertise something that says something about me beyond the universal truths applicable to all of us.

*As I typed that line above, I realized the irony that I do have a bumper sticker on the car I've been driving. It's something about the school where my wife is employed. But there is a reason for it! It was "strongly encouraged" and recommended by her employer, and it was when she was a new teacher and didn't have tenure yet. So, she obliged. And now I drive around proudly displaying my allegiance! :-) Maybe the ATM dude had a reason, too. Maybe he or she works for a company that makes ATMs. Or bumper stickers. But I wouldn't think so.

posted by Steve @ 1:47 PM