Heart and Mind

Where Does Accountability Begin for Jerks?

We all encounter people who act jerky or do jerky things on a daily basis. I know you know what I'm talking about... it's all those times—whether it's when you're driving or walking into the post office or shopping at the supermarket—when someone does something either stupid, thoughtless, or inconsiderate and you think to yourself, "What an asshole!!"

Frequently I see jerks doing multiple "stupid, thoughtless, or inconsiderate" things in succession. And this makes sense, because if they're "stupid, thoughtless, or inconsiderate" one minute, it's unliklely that they've changed a second later or a minute later or even a year later or more. It can go on indefinitely.

Despite the fact that we're all unique—like the stereotypical snowflakes—we, as a human race, are, ironically, pretty predictable. We are largely products of our environment. Show me someone with "issues" and you can probably point to things in his or her life that caused these issues. It's cliché-style thinking, no doubt, but it is so true that it bears mentioning none-the-less: we are greatly molded by our experiences. Those experiences include both the ones we had no control over (our home-life growing up, our parents) and the ones that we've had some control over (the experiences we've had with friends, with dating). And, of course, there's overlap between those two kinds of experiences. Things we have no control over (how attractive we are, genetically speaking, for example) can be directly related to how much people kiss your ass or are willing to want to be with you, and that affects your mindset and your thinking and has an impact on the kinds of relationships you'll want to foster and/or be able to foster.

The question I have is this: when—at what point or at what age or whatever—does all accountability start to fall on you for what you do? If your upbringing—whether it be a life of priviledge or a life of abuse or neglect—and experiences make you into a certain kind of person who does jerky things, we can understand it, but for how long can we accept it before we start saying, "You're just an asshole and someone oughta smack you for the crap you pull?"

My thing is that it ultimately comes down to intelligence: people who don't do right by others, in my estimation, usually do so because they lack the intelligence, common sense, or generalized "smarts" to know that they are being disrespectful. Or that they're being self-centered. Or that they are not acting very nicely. Or that their reasoning as to why they do what they do is flawed. Or that they really only do have the right to swing their arms until they come in contact with the other guy's face.

But my generalized belief doesn't answer the question, it only makes you question it further. After all, overall intelligence is pretty much the product of not only those past experiences, but also genetics.

Ultimately, it seems we have no control over who we are. Yeah, I behave (in my unobjective estimation, anyway) "societally responsibly." But that's probably because I was born with a decent degree of raw intelligence. And that's just something I lucked out with, isn't it? Just like the jerks out there, who are often the people who got the short-end of the stick with regard to this matter. That's not really their fault, it's just how they were born.

And yet, at some point, you have to say, "You're a big person now, you're accountable."

We do like to blame parents. And that's all well and good, but 9 times out of 10, the parents who screwed up their kid and never gave him a chance are themselves products of crappy parents who didn't do right by them. And same with their parents. Do you see my point? If you excuse George III for what George Jr. did to him, then don't you have to use the same logic and excuse George Jr. for what George Sr. did to him? I suppose it's the ol' vicious psychological cycle.

But that's the great thing about this stuff. It is predictable. So if it's predictable, we should be able to stop it, shouldn't we?

Either way, if you do wrong by me, I'll try to understand it, but in the end I'm probaly going to think you're a jerk. And so are most people. They just usually don't give it as much thought before ending up at this conclusion.

That was the end of my blog entry, but I have to ask: is anyone still reading? See, this is what happens when I I force myself to write a blog entry. I get all heavy and come off judgemental-sounding. I promise something more lighthearted next time.

posted by Steve @ 5:11 PM