Heart and Mind

Security Questions

You know what I don't dig? Those "security questions" offered when you sign up for something on the web.

You know what I'm talking about, right? You get on board with some online service and they set you up with a so-called "security question" to ask you in case you forget your password or something like that. Those questions usually drive me a bit crazy.

Know why? Because most of them are crap, and I rarely can find a good one to choose.

Problem number one is that they're too easy to crack. Something like, "What state were you born in?" Yeah, that's tough to guess... A complete e-stranger has a one in fifty shot if they're just randomly trying US States, and someone who knows you probably always knows the answer.

Problem number two, which is the more common problem, is that many of them are questions that I don't know if even *I* could crack, even though I am the one who filled out the profile.

Take a question like, "What is your favorite movie?"

I have no idea what the answer to that question is! I don't have just one favorite movie. There are a number of movies I count among my favorites. So if two years down the road I visit some website and need to answer a secret question like, "What is your favorite movie," I have to think, "Gee...what might I have said my favorite movie is when I was asked this question a long time ago?"

"What is the name of your childhood pet?" Which one, damn it!? My cat or my hamster? And which cat, and which hamster? I had a number of "childhood pets." And, perhaps surprisingly to some, they all had different names.

"Who was your childhood hero?" Sorry to say, I had none. Idealistic do-gooders will say things like, "My Dad," but that's kind of bullshit. That's usually what people say because they know that's the "right answer" to give and that it makes them look smart and grateful. But kids, when kids, usually see their parents as their parents. They might be important, but they don't think, "Oh, my hero!" People like moms, dads, and teachers are usually only your "in hindsight childhood heroes," or your heroes now that you know better that assholes like the drug addict lead singer of your favorite rock band wasn't a good hero to have, and that, you know, your mom did a lot more good for you.

And, yeah, on the subject of guys like the rock star mentioned above... there were show-biz types that I really dug—and there still are—but I didn't really think of them as "heroes." Heroes were people like Superman... and, no, I wasn't into people like that. Superman was some dude who was a hero simply because he was on "Superfriends" and because he rescued people. But he wasn't my hero. That seems pretty ridiculous to me.

posted by Steve @ 4:22 PM