Heart and Mind

Let's Get Real About Valentine's Day

This is going to come off as a rant, and, as I'll remind you at the end, I don't really hate Valentine's Day as much as it is going to sound like it. But I do think it's mostly rubbish, and there are some points that need to be made when discussing the supposed merits of the event.

We all know what the most common criticism is about Valentine's Day: "It's just a 'Hallmark Holiday' cooked up to sell greeting cards." Now, to be honest, I don't know if that's true or not, although it certainly sounds plausible to think that it was popularized by a greeting card company. Maybe so, maybe not. Either way, I think it goes without say that Valentine's Day is not "up there" with Christmas or Thanksgiving or even Mother's Day (another Hallmark-type holiday) in the holiday legitimacy chart.

I think Valentine's Day is largely a crock of a holiday. I could mention that it seems contrived to show your affection through flowers on the same predetermined day as everyone else. I could mention that we always seem to hear about women who expect to get fancy gifts or dinners and are disappointed when they receive less than their greedy expectations. I could point out that some restaurants actually raise their prices on this "holiday" to bilk their customers out of more money, because they know they can.

I won't really get into any of those things, short of saying that they're all generalizations that probably could be argued to the contrary if you wanted to view them from all angles, but they all seem to be riddled with large quantities of fake, shallow bullshit and commercialism, none the less.

Ultimately, none of those reasons account for why I think Valentine's Day is a "more damage than good" sort of event. The real reason—the biggest reason—is that Valentine's Day is an example of our society getting things backwards.

Happy, in-love people do not (or should not) need a day to celebrate their relationships. Being happily in love in a good relationship is the ultimate reward in and of itself. These people don't need a day like Valentine's Day.

You know who needs to get flowers? The people who are unhappily out of love. But is that what happens?

Of course not. Valentine's Day is mostly a day to make single people feel like shit. How fun is it to celebrate other people's happiness when you're lonely? Or pining for an elusive love that isn't there?

What's better than watching happy people celbrate when you're not feeling the love yourself? How about watching people in relationships complain that the jewelry they're getting isn't the right kind?

Now, what about the people who are in relationships, but depend on this day to make up for something lacking in them. Well, you may argue that there is validity in having that special day to make things right because most of the other days in the year suck or are too busy—but then doesn't that make Valentine's Day the ultimate crock? If you need that day, then you're celebrating something as though it's "good," when it's clearly needing a spit shine, to be fair. In other words, if you're in a less-than-good relationship, what are you celebrating? The illusion that it's better—an illusion you create through flowers on February 14? How wrong is that?

For anyone who may stumble across this blog and not know me, you might be surprised to know that I'm not an angry single person. I'm very happily in a loving situation and have been for years, but I certainly have had Valentine's Days where I wasn't. It's not the most desireable place to be. People find sorrow at all holidays—Christmas is the big one, with the increased suicide rates and all—but Valentine's Day is so utterly exlcusionary. It's for couples, and everyone else just has to watch from the sidelines. You can feel badly at Christmas because things aren't as smooth in your life, for example, as you'd like—but you'll still find a party to go to where the people will wish you well and share the love. You're not going to find anything like that at Valentine's Day unless you're "in the club."

If happy, in-love people do feel that they need a holiday to celebrate their relationship...well, then fine. They've got one already: it's called their anniversary. Not married? Then the anniversary of when they first started going out. Still need another reason? No problem. Find one on your own. Find a reason to celebrate that is uniquely yours—whatever it is—and don't rely on this silly event.

I guess I think that Valentine's Day is, at best, a youthful kind of thing. It's probably best for young people—teenagers, perhaps—who aren't so fully launched into a life of autonomy where they can do whatever they please. So they can enjoy a day to play "relationship." I was always into the idea of Valentine's Day when I was a teenager, provided I had someone to celebrate it with. In my 3 years of high school, I was involved in a relationship one of them. One out of three. In hindsight, I'll take that.

But now it all seems so silly to me. It reminds me of the time on the Brady Bunch when Alice got pissed off at Sam because he wanted to go bowling instead of taking her to see the "Family Frolics Night" at Westdale High. It's like, "You're kidding, right? She's a frieken' 40-something year old grown woman. What the hell does she care about such a silly event?"

OK, now that I've gone off on a huge rant and seemingly spit out these words with venom, let me at least round the sharp corners off. I'll back off a bit and confess, I don't hate Valentines Day to the point that I think it's akin to pure evil. Frankly, there are worse things in the world, so I don't really have enough time in the day (or desire) to get that worked up about it. And, sure, I've gone out over the years for dinner on Valentine's Day. But it was no big deal—it was basically what we normally did a couple times a week, anyway...casual dining at an unpretentious spot so that we could get out of the house. And when I was young, I think we got silly gifts for each other sometimes. So I'm not trying to say "anyone who does anything is a loser." Rather, I'm just speaking in generalities and expressing that, in the big picture, it's really not that big of a deal. If you wish me a happy Valentines Day or get me a card, I will feel good about it; but I also think that in the best interest of our society's well-being, it would be even better to eliminate the holiday.

Because it DOES make people who aren't happy with their relationships (or the lack there of) feel like crap. Excuses to celebrate are always great, but if you need one and Valentine's Day is going to be it, go grab all your friends—the couples, the singles, everyone—and go have some fun. Stop making issues out of whether your lover is toeing the line.

posted by Steve @ 5:16 PM