Numeric Age and Pressures — Part I
I am undeniably fascinated by all things related to the passage of time and aging, so it's, not surprisingly, an endless source of inspiration for things I write. Even that peculiar word in the url line of this blog—derived from an ongoing series of essays I wrote under that title—is a term I coined from a deliberate mispelling of "time and age." If you opt to stick around and continue to read these blog entries, you'll doubtlessly see lots of musings that can fall under the very broad umbrella of the thymenage category. Including this one...With a birthday in the very near future, it seems apropos to reflect on our society's general distaste for aging. The way I see it, there are about three reasons why so many people lament that they are "getting old" or express their numeric age with a sense of disbelief. The, perhaps, most legitimate reason to dislike aging is that with each passing moment of our lives, we are inarguably getting closer to the point in which we will cease to live. In short, it reminds us of our mortality. Reason number two is that we rarely improve with age in terms of our physical appearance and well-being. There are exceptions, of course, but we tend to get fatter, grayer, balder, slower, saggier, and less able to put our bodies through the same kind of physical use we used to. Ultimately, this is related closely to reason number one. Even those of us who are not particularly vain may be unsettled by the idea that the supposed "decaying" physical appearance is really reflective of the march towards the finish line, much like the paint starts being replaced by rust on an old car that is closer to the junkyard.
The third reason is the most bogus reason of all, and yet it is the one that most people who are pre-"over-the-hill" seem to focus on the most. It is based on societally imposed age-sensitive pressures. This is the one I want to focus on here.
So, what am I talking about? It's about how we have learned perceptions on what it
means to be a certain age and on what we should have accomplished by that age. We have expectations about where our lives should be, and sometimes we're afraid that life is passing us by while others thrive. We can be envious of people who seem to be ahead of us in the game, and, perhaps, take a sense of peace from seeing people who might appear to be struggling as we peceive ourselves.
The interesting thing about this angle on aging (as opposed to the first two) is that it affects even those who really are young, like adolescents. For example, many 14-year-olds who have yet to have their first kiss or have never had their first romantic relationship will feel embarrassed, dissapointed, and saddened by it. "Man, I'm going to be fifteen in a couple of months and I've never even had a girlfriend." In hindsight, 14 seems pretty close to 13, which seems pretty damn young, which means that our ficticious example here is probably exactly where he is supposed to be with plenty of time ahead of him to sort things out. But he doesn't see it that way. He's seen his classmates and watched TV; and from these experiences, he has formed his own set of expectations as to where his life should be at.
As we age, it only gets more intense. "I'm (insert age here) and I still haven't (insert milestone here)." Fill in the blanks as you like. Some examples for the latter might include "had sex," "gotten a real job," "found a career," "moved out of my parent's house," "gotten married," "had kids," "bought my own place," and on and on and on.
And it all has to do with expectation based on that numeric age. Most single 20-year-olds couldn't care less about the fact that they're not married or don't have any prospects for marriage. A lot more of them do if that's still true at 28. Numbers count. They shouldn't count, some may say. But for most of us, they do. We even may know that they shouldn't matter, but we feel that societal pressure, despite our common sense telling us not to let it bother us.
I will continue this train of thought in the next blog entry and dip into the ideas of the varying degrees of subjectivity vs. objectivity that is or is not afforded, depending on your age. Does that sound like kind of an esoteric quip? Tune in later and I'll explain it all.
posted by Steve @ 12:48 PM
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