Heart and Mind

Cell Phones Breeding People Who Sound Like Morons

I've noticed that proper phone etiquette seems to be on the decline, and I think I can point the blame towards cell phones. Maybe not entirely, but they're contributing.

This would be consistent with other technological staples of modern society that are eroding away at skills that used to be considered elementary. For example, I think you can point towards blogs, email, and especially instant messaging as being tools that are killing the written word. An ability to string together a simple sentence with proper punctuation used to be something that anyone could do, save for those who, perhaps, dropped out of school in junior high or something. But these days, it's become normal, habitual, and—even worse—acceptable to write correspondence without any punctuation, in all lower case, and lacking any semblance of proper grammar.

Now, I'm not knocking technology at all. I use all of those things I mentioned above, and many of them I use more than most people. The problem is never with the tool itself—it's with how one uses (or abuses) the tool.

Before I get to my little spiel on phone etiquette, let me just make one final point on the tangental "bonus" rant that I snuck in regarding the written word. I need to answer my critics, the ones who would say, "You're being too anal. IMing your friend isn't rocket science and you shouldn't worry so much about the details." You're right, and I agree, to an extent. However, there are a few problems that can't be ignored. First of all, the lines are becoming blurred between formal and informal correspondence. "Kids these days" (meaning, many of the young adults in the workforce) and even some adults seem to not realize the difference between slinging the shit with their friends and actually having proper correspondence in a professional setting, like when you're dealing with clients or customers on your job. And, even more important (because one might further argue that even my last point is not that important once we get over the pretentiousness of a business-like setting), is the issue of clarity. I can't tell you how often I get written correspondence and I really have no f***ing clue what my conversant is trying to say. People sometimes bust my chops because I write too much in my emails, but at least no one ever has to write me back and ask for further clarification. I have to do that all the time.

Anyway, I digress. Back to the issue of cell phones and how they are breeding a generation of people who don't know how to talk on the phone.

I really think it's true, and it makes sense. Consider: When I was younger, I actually had to learn how to handle myself on a phone in a respectable way, and the reason is that the people in my "phone life"—me, my friends, and our respective families—all worked with shared lines. So when I got to an age where I started calling friends, like, we'll say, Johnny, we actually had to learn how to politely ask for him. My initial kid-instinct was to abruptly ask, "Who is this?" when someone answered the phone on the other end, and then I'd say, "Um...is Johnny there?"

My folks would explain that I needed to say, "Hello, may I please speak with Johnny," as opposed to the more moronic, abrasive tone I would have naturally taken.

It also worked the other way around: I had to know how to handle incoming calls, because the phone would ring in the house and, with no caller ID and no individual lines for each family member, you all had to pitch in and field the calls. So I had to learn all that other stuff: "She's not home now, may I take a message or have her call you back?"

Now, this seems like common sense stuff that any asshole can handle, and, admittedly, it isn't brain surgery. But I still remember that this did not come naturally. It was kind of awkward and I used to feel uncomfortable saying these big phrases and learning how to ad lib when the person on the other end may have asked questions that I didn't have a stock response for. It took some work.

The good news is that if you started getting some practice doing this when you were in, say, 5th grade, you'd have it mastered by 7th or 8th grade. But the problem is that these days kids don't have to deal with it. Instead, every kid has his own cell phone, which is essentially a private, personal line—complete with caller ID—to handle every incoming call and outgoing call, the latter of which rings on a similar cell phone.

So there is no longer that need to learn how to handle yourself properly. Every call on your line is for you, and you know who it is, so you just answer the phone by saying, "Yo...what up, asshole!" Introductions, greetings...all unnecessary. And answering other people's calls? No need to! If as a kid I had my own cell phone where every one of my knuckle-headed friends and acquaintances called me, you can bet your lunch that I would never have answered the line that rang in my house. After all, taking a message or yelling to your sister in the other end of the house involves a bit of work on your part. I was always willing to do that in the old days because the payoff was the sense of excitement and expectation that the call might be for me. But if I knew it wasn't...well, I wouldn't have been so motivated.

All well and good if you only need to call your friends on their cell phones. But, again, when I have to call someone in a setting where perhaps I am working or they are working and it's like talking to a half-wit with a second grade education... that is very annoying. It seems you used to have to have some sense of social skills to get a job in which you deal with people. That's not the case anymore, and how could it be? Too many people are lacking them these days. It's not entirely their fault, and it's not because cell phones and modern perks like
caller ID are bad. But it is a side-effect of the whole landscape. Yeah...."side-effect." That's the word. It's like a medication that cures headaches but "may cause dry mouth, sexual dysfunction, and decreased appetite." You get some good, but you get some bad.

Thanks for reading.

posted by Steve @ 5:49 PM