What People Call You
I once told a co-worker friend—whose name, mind you, is Rich—"Whenever someone new starts at the company, you should introduce yourself by saying, 'Hello! My name is Rubba!' " We got a good laugh out of it, given that "Rubba" is such a bizarre and almost self-mocking name, and that was part of what I was going for. But I also was aiming to shed light on a more significant concept.If Rich were to tell people his name was "Rubba" and never let on otherwise (and, we'll theoretically assume the unlikely scenario that no one else in the office ever did, either), then that is what they would come to know him as, and identify him as. And if 5-years later he were to tell them that his name was really Rich, that would seem totally strange to them. "I think of you as Rubba," they would say. It would be difficult for them to call him Rich.
OK, so "Rubba" is a stupid-sounding name. But the concept works for normal names. If I were to tell all new co-workers that my name is "Dave," I'd be "Dave" to them. And even if it was just some in-office joke, I could run into them 25-years after we ceased to work together and they'd still call me—and think of me—as Dave. Even if my name is Steve.
Now, some of you may not be "getting" this. You may be thinking, "So what? Of course they'll think your name is Dave. That's what you told them it was. I don't see what you're getting at..."
It takes a certain kind of humor or warped way of looking at things to fully understand why this is such a brilliant concept. If you're not getting it, I don't know that you will. But I find it delightfully bizarre and fascinating. It has something to do with the fact that it is your name in question. There is nothing more identifiable with that sense of "you" than your name. Your name is how you're identified in conversation when the person speaking wants their conversant to know the subject is you and not, say, Stephen Stills or Manny Mota or ...well anyone else! So you've got this tag that carries such intense weight when it comes to how much it identifies you, and you could have virtually everyone getting it wrong—and yet it will feel oh-so-RIGHT to them—simply because you opt to tell people something other than the truth.
And, if the wrong name feels "right," the right name almost always feels wrong. We see this all the time in the form of nicknames. Here are some examples, and if you change the names to match the people in your own life, I'm sure you can totally relate:
- My cousin, who is 45, goes by "Bob" these days. But I can't seem to stop referring to him as the more juvenile sounding "Bobby," because that's what he was called in the family when he was a juvenile. "Bob" sounds forced, unnatural to me. "Bobby" seems totally appropriate.
- In college, people started calling me by the first syllable in my last name. That's what that contingency still calls me, even though no one in my regular day-to-day life does anymore and hasn't for years. Still, if I call on the phone and say, "Hey, it's Steve," they find it absolutely bizarre. "That's so weird," they say. "I mean, I know you're name is Steve, but it sounds funny to call yourself that."
- I was speaking with a friend not too long ago, and we were referring to mutual-people that we both knew, but we knew them during different eras. And whenever I'd refer to someone by his real name—which is what he was called when I knew him—he would find it bizarre, because he knew him only by a nick name that he went by.
- In a very subtle difference, I've even had people find it bizarre when they've heard me referred to as "Steven," as opposed to "Steve." They usually start repeating it in this formal, mocking tone—"Steven. Steven! Steven."—because they find it crazy and know me only as "Steve." And that's just a difference of one letter that quite obviously separates my full name from my colloquial name! It's not even as extreme as when "Liz" becomes "Elizabeth" or "Dot" becomes "Dorothy."
So make sure people don't know you as something you don't like.
posted by Steve @ 2:12 PM
4 Comments:
This is a great post! I think about stuff like this all the time, especially since I have a few examples of it.
First, my oldest brother, whose name is William, is and will always be "Billy" to me. I don't care if he prefers to be called the more mature-sounding "Bill" now, I'm going to continue calling him Billy, even though it's complicated by the fact that his oldest son is also called Billy. Unfortunately for my nephew, he was known as "Little Billy" as a child and that's what I still call him.
Second, my best friend in college introduced himself as "Rob" so that is what I still call him. My husband, who grew up with Rob in Rochester, calls him "Robert". I never know who the hell he is taking about when he refers to Robert, because I have a cousin named Robert (whose father is also a Robert, but is universally known as "Bobby".)
Third, I've never been known as anything other than "Angela", except for my brothers who sometimes call me "Ange". I'm definitely not an "Angie". My grandmother is "Angie". For some reason though, one part of Kyle's family insists on calling me "Angie". I absolutely cringe whenever they call me that. I think it's because they add an "ie or y" to the end of everybody's name (Kylie, Krissy, Alli, Carey, etc.)
[[[ This is a great post! I think about stuff like this all the time, especially since I have a few examples of it.]]]
Thanks!
And, yes, the examples you gave are exactly in line with what I'm talking about.
Yes, you would definitely be "Angela" to me because that's how you present yourself. If someone were to refer to you as "Angie," I wouldn't know who they were talking about. Even if they said it while pointing at a picture of you, it wouldn't seem right, because it would mess with my mind. My brain doesn't make the "Angie" association.
The "Ange" thing is what I call the "lazy" nickname concept. It's the idea that some people will shorten multi-syllabic names to just one syllable because it just flows off the tongue. Often people who use the "lazy nickname" don't use it outside of addressing the person when they're right there. "Hey, Ange! What's up?" works, but it doesn't really work to say, "I have a friend named Ange." But it WOULD work to say, "I have a friend named Angie," if, of course, that was a name you went by. 'Cause that's a real nickname, and not a lazy nickname. You know what I mean?
As for the "ie"/"y" thing, that's sometimes a personality trait of the person who says it. There often is that "I'm cool and informal and I can be that way 'cause I love ya, man" attitude with people who do that. And it often seems affectionate to me, or indicative of some sort of camraderie, or both. Baseball players, to name one example, seem to do it a lot. If they're interviewed after a game and asked about John Smith the pitcher, they'll say, "No question about it, JOHNNY picthed a great game for us and really gave us a chance to win." Even if he NEVER goes by that name in his public profile.
The relatives who call me "Angie" are strange rich people who also think I'm exotic because I have curly hair. They're so fun, but so odd!
Way back in my White Castle days, I was crowned with the nickname "Paulipaul" for some bizarre reason, and it stuck almost to this day. Many of my past friends, up until the most recent lot, always called me "Paulie", and for some reason I always envisioned it spelled "P-A-U-L-I", I guess just because I wanted to be different and it fit with the nickname. I even corrected people when they would write my name someplace, like on a birthday card, "Happy Birthday Paulie!" I didn't want to be associated with the "Pauleys" or "Paulies" of Rocky Films or Mobster movies... just plain 'ol 'Pauli'. And today, if I happen across old friends (say, Sue and Joe) whilst being with new friends (say, Toni) the latter always seems bemused by the former calling me Pauli. It's just so foreign to them.
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